Thursday, September 11, 2008

my heart is open and willing; so take it.

So, I'm on week 3 of classes. And, amazingly enough, the homework load has not been too terribly bad. Probably because I've been praying about it every stinking day. And God won't let me be pushed beyond what I can bear. I love how He faithfully shows me how He fulfills His Word in my life - even in small ways. (However, I still need prayer with my classes. I do have a few projects that I know about already - and it wouldn't hurt to get a jump on them while not too much else is going on.)

Before the school year started, I asked God about what He might want me to be involved in this year. Last year I was in a couple of groups, but I wasn't very committed, to be quite honest. I don't want to be like that again, but I would like to be involved in at least one extra thing. I'm not the most out-going person sometimes; I definitely need my personal time. So there's a part of me saying, "Don't worry too much about being involved. You'll have to do things that aren't very comfortable sometimes. Just do classes and have some fun."

Yikes. I don't want that mind-set. See, I don't have a job or anything (my parents have told me time and time again that they'd rather me not worry about having a job now since I'll be working for the rest of my life; they rule) -- but sometimes I feel like I have extra time and sometimes I feel like a big slacker. All 3 of my roomies have jobs and are at least mildly involved in stuff whether it's band, helping out at a church, Bible studies, Sister-2-Sister, etc.

And at the same time, I also thing it's okay. I've not even been here a month yet, right? There really haven't been too many opportunities yet; some, yeah, but not TONS.

Festival of ministries is coming up. I want to follow God's leading. I want to be involved. I want to grow. I want to grow alongside others. I want to love and be loved. I want to invest myself in things that matter, in things that will last (which aren't things at all). All that lasts are our hearts, our souls -- people. I want to invest myself in relationships and love.

I'm looking forward to this weekend, though. My friend, Annie, is coming up to spend the night and celebrate Amy Jo's birthday. We're going to Chicago on Sunday, which should be good times. And I have choir retreat on Friday night! I love those girls. I sincerely feel blessed to be a part of this wonderful group of young ladies.

So, yeah, I guess I am doing stuff. I guess it's just that I find myself comparing myself to others. How lame is that? I know better than that...

"Each one of is created as a unique vessel for God's own purposes (2 Timothy 2:21). We are not to live our lives in self-conscious self-improvement; we are to live in God-consciousness with a deep awareness that we have been purchased at great cost. We are to glorify God in our bodies and in our spirits, which are God's." (From The Titus 2 Woman study)

What a loving and gracious God we serve. I want to know Him more and more. I am thankful for the hunger for His Word He has been giving me lately. What a beautiful mystery is our God. I am His. I am completely His.

Lord, lead and guide me to where You want me. Open my heart to You. I want to be obedient to You. You know my desires and hopes; take them, and mold them into what You want. I want to delight in You daily, moment-by-moment. Your Word tells me to delight myself in You, and You will give me the desires of my heart. Here are my desires; here is my heart. It's all Yours.

Can you fathom the mysteries of God?
Can you probe the limits of the Almighty?

They are higher than the heavens—what can you do?
They are deeper than the depths of the grave —what can you know?

Their measure is longer than the earth
and wider than the sea.

Yet if you devote your heart to him
and stretch out your hands to him,

if you put away the sin that is in your hand
and allow no evil to dwell in your tent,

then you will lift up your face without shame;
you will stand firm and without fear.

You will surely forget your trouble,
recalling it only as waters gone by.

Life will be brighter than noonday,
and darkness will become like morning.

You will be secure, because there is hope;
you will look about you and take your rest in safety.

(Job 11:7-9, 13-18)