Thursday, March 12, 2009

I need You here, I need You now; I need security somehow.

Life has been kind of hard the last two weeks. My family and I have been hurting and grieving the loss of my cousin, Schuyler, who was killed in Afghanistan. But because of the Lord's strength, we are getting through.

I start class again on Monday, which might be nice to get back on a schedule - but it's been so helpful to be home with my family while all of this is still so new. No one at school has been affected by this like my family and I have. It's hard to be the only one. I am grateful for my friends at school who have been praying for us, but it's not exactly the same as being with the ones who are feeling how I'm feeling. If that makes sense. On the one hand, I don't want to draw any attention because of this - but on the other hand, I don't want people to just forget about it or think that I'm just fine. Because, really, I'm not. I know that, eventually, I will be okay - but right now, I'm just not. And I think that's pretty normal after a family member passes away. But it's hard to go about my daily routine, especially when I'm away from home...away from the people who are struggling in the same way that I am.

Pray that I can show grace to my friends at school when I'm feeling sad about Schuyler and they're worried about boyfriend-girlfriend stuff - issues that are usually fine to talk about with me, but since Sky's death...I don't know, it's just like I kind of learned more about things that are truly important in life. Not that boy-girl stuff isn't important - it can be. In fact, that's been a topic at the front of my mind this semester as I take Sociology of Marriage. ;) But I guess there's just a time for everything. Right now, for me and my family, this is a time to mourn.

So again, pray that God will help me show grace to my friends at school who may not be as sensitive to my feelings right now (because sometimes I'm just not very good at telling people how I'm feeling - so they may not even realize that I'm struggling). Pray that God will provide me a solid friend at school who I can talk to about this - or about anything - when I need to get something off my chest.

Even through the sadness and grief, I know that the Lord is still good. He is faithful and full of love and compassion. It's difficult to remember during times like this, but I know that it's true - regardless of how I feel. Pray that my family will see Him through this and want to know Him personally.


..:: love and miss you, sky...::
Schuyler: February 17, 1984 - February 24, 2009.


The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them;
he delivers them from all their troubles.

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

A righteous man may have many troubles,
but the LORD delivers him from them all;

he protects all his bones,
not one of them will be broken

-Psalm 34:17-20